Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Lost in Transition

It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out-
it's the grain of sand in your shoe.

We have been waiting to go to our transition meeting with the school for our #1 Son for high school. We had a meeting. I don't know if it was a true transition meeting.  It was more like take this option and only this option. It is a extremely restrictive option.  I chafe at this even though I know this is perhaps the best option. The school acts like they have handed my son this very golden ticket to this very restrictive school (invitation only).  I get skeptical when people describe the physical location instead on what happens inside. Seriously, the school is in a very pretty spot but that didn't need to be emphasized to me as many times. I get it. I worry about what he has to give up and I realize he already given up so much. I just worry.  This kind of parenting isn't for sissies. This 8th grade year has been rocky both socially and emotionally.  Puberty and Aspergers isn't a really good combo.

The options are limited. It is frustrating to say the least. I know this Asperger's mountain I have to climb with my son but the grains of sand are more like pebbles.  I feel like I have so much sand in my shoe that it weighs as much as a cement block. We are trudging along here. I know I am not alone .  They estimate 1 in 88 kids have some type of Autism.  These sand/pebbles have just toughened me up.  I hope it has made me wiser about the hard choices I have to make for my son and ultimately my family.

I hate there seems to be some kind of code of silence that parents with behavior problems have to keep.  Yeah, I am the parent with one of those kids. This is hard stuff and maintaining the silence doesn't help anyone least of all my kid. I am the first to admit I don't get my kid. Though there are moments I totally get it.  I totally get what led to his perception of the situation and the resulting behavior.  I wish I could stop the bad behavior. This post by Outrunning the Storm describes the voices or the scripts running in my head perfectly everytime my kid messes up.

There could be a lot more honesty from the school district on what options are available for kids like my kid.  I am left feeling like if we had only done this earlier.  Why now? It seems like a child has to fail before alternatives happen.  Then it is a crisis situation.  Delayed intervention doesn't help anyone and costs us all.

Today I go visit the school that our district wants to place him. I want it to be what it is touted to be. I don't want to be disappointed once again.  I want it to be a successful place for my kid. I want to trust so badly but my trust of the system has been broken. I don't want it to be another rock in my shoe.  I don't want my kid to be lost in this transition.

1 comment:

  1. I totally feel your pain. High school is scary for any kids (and their parents), but with our kids I think it brings a whole new level of terror. I'm trying my best not to think about high school for now - we had a successful transition meeting and I want very much to believe it will be okay.

    I really hope you like the school and that it will be what your son needs. Keep us updated!